THE MESSAGE IS HOPE AND THE PROMISE IS FREEDOM BUT FREEDOM IS NOT FREE.
Hi there it has been a while since my last post but I feel the need to let you know where I am at in my journey. Today I love my way of life but that does not mean that my life is perfect, what is means is that I am grateful for the life I has today which is a direct result of the rooms of N.A. and the predecessors that decided to stay long enough to help me SAVE my life. Only when life shows up do I find out where I am at in my recovery. I have to make a daily decision to be active in this new way of life. I found out the exact nature of what I suffer from and it not about my using drugs but it is about my feeling and how I process them and when those feelings come up I know that it is time to get to work. These feelings that arise if not dealt with will cause to create harm in my life and others.
There are two issues that I am working on, the first is a result of me being convinced that I know what works for me in my recovery. I not saying that I care what or how others perceive me but I care about the vibration that I am send out to others and how my knowing what works for me I could be taking for being arrogant or cocky. I understand that it really doesn’t matter what you think about me but I want to be the vessel that let other know that you too can live a life of spiritual principles and not personalities. My life is lived from my Spirit and not my Ego and I am learning that my body language speaks volumes and sometimes I don’t have to say a word for other to understand what I am saying. I not changing my core beliefs I am changing the packaging of my message. The message is the same but I need to learn to control the vibrations that I send to others. My solution is to let people live their lives, even it is killing them, anyway they see fit. I am learning that sometimes people really don’t want help and I should not force it on them because what works for me only works for me, and they need to find out what works for them but if they want assistance I will be here to help in any way that is needed.
The second issue that I am working on is the manner of my speech, when i say this I mean the volume of my speech. I grew up in a large family and I learned that if I wanted me need met I needed to speak up for myself and that meant that sometimes I was yelling. Today when I speak to certain individuals they think that I am yelling at them and this is not so but I am learning that I need to bring the volume down because even if I have information that may save someone if they may nit hear it because the volume of my speech may turn them off to the information that is presented.
Lets not get it twisted I am not abandoning my core beliefs I just changing the packaging so I could present the message to those that are struggling. The only way I could of come to these conclusion is that I have learned the patterns of my life and I can see me today.
I am just a vessel for the Spirit and I must learn to live in the presence of my greatest enemy and not allow it to control me. My greatest enemy is in me and that enemy is my EGO. My EGO is learning what I learn and is trying to finds ways and means to destroy everything that I have built and continue to build but my relationship with the Spirit reveals the methodology of my Ego and I stay forever vigilant in this battle. Thank you N.A. for teaching me how to live this life and I will never leave the front lines.
I AM A GRUNT IN THE ARMY THAT IS IN THE WAR AGAINST THE DISEASE ADDICTION. I JUST NEED TO SAY MY CONCRETE BOOTS KEEP ME FROM RUNNING AND MY PROCESS KEEPS ME GROWING.
LOVE YOU ALL
A WARRIOR IN THE FIGHT